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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Will Sleep Ever Come?

I have always been the type of person to love sleep. I could take naps or sleep in but since having kids everyone knows that changes. I have grown adapted to lack of sleep for the most part but sometimes it gets rough! With a little girl who has a cold and cant breath at night constantly waking up crying and my little ASD boy who seems to never sleep at all...it catches up to you! Lukas sleep schedule is always changing, sometimes he takes long naps, some short or not at all, sometimes he sleeps well at night and for very long periods but most the time he is up constantly, going to bed late and still walking up early! Seems to come in cycles and I hate when its time for no sleep. I have three weeks left of school and I have done soo well so far, but as we are going over paperwork type lectures I am severely bored and have to fight constantly to stay awake. I know my teacher understands but its unprofessional. What happens when I have nights like this for weeks (which has happened) and I now have a job. I cant slack off? How do people do it?
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I am going to be starting a behavorial program for parents called Stepping Stones. It usually last no more than ten weeks and usually by week 5 there are major improvements. I am bringing this up because his Neurologist thinks I need to complete this program before trying meds. Which I agree and disagree with. I am exhausted! I am freaking superwoman 24/7! I have to crash sometime and I dont want it at the cost of my child. I have missed a day of school because my body just shut down and I couldnt stay awake. No one can keep this up forever and when I finally crumble..I feel alone, guilty (because I couldnt keep going) and an emotional mess. I know he is only two and I read stories on my Autism websites and they give me hope. But once you have met one child with Autism you have met one child with Autism. No one knows what the future holds for us. All I can do is pray. I find myself crying and praying a lot these days. God has the power to make you see who is God. I believe in him and love him but lets face it..I am no model Christian. But he has stuck through this with me..made appointments happen..got my son to open up and best of all I get to hear his voice sometimes now. His talking isnt constant but the moments I get are wonderful. I have to be thankful for that. Here is the start to another day, no one knows whats in store. All I can do is take it in stride and hope for the best and be the best mom I can be.