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Thursday, September 5, 2013

Point of No Return

As I get home, get my kids off the bus and try to unwind I open Facebook. My news feed is over flowing with new posts of another tragedy in our community. A fellow blogger tried to take her teenage daughter with autism life.

That is a point of no return.

I do not condone any behavior like this, I do not agree with this behavior and I do believe there is always more options but....

Everyone has their point don't they?

We as a community and individuals have such a full plate. Everyone has a breaking point, some cross the point of no return.

I can think of a 100 different options on how to handle a situation without ever doing harm to my child but I CAN relate to the stress.

The daily struggles and the stress...
It is unimaginable to people who don't experience our life.

Everyday is a struggle.

Fighting insurance companies
Fighting teachers
Fighting school systems
Fighting Medicaid
Fighting with our child(ren)
Fighting with ourselves and our own mental stability

The list can go on and on

What hurts me is, when 'outsiders' read this story about this woman there will be so many misconceptions and rumors and trash talk.

Again not even slightly agreeing with what she did but I CAN relate to the Autism life and the everyday struggles.

It is overwhelming and exhausting. Sometimes I feel it is too much to bare. Then I think of my precious little boy who didn't ask for any of this. It is not his fault and I am his mother so I must do everything in my power to give him what he deserves.

Have I wanted to throw in the towel? Many times.
Have I just wanted to stop making calls, pleading with this person or that for something my son needs? Yes.
Have I wanted to stop doing number crunch after number crunch to see how we can afford bills and therapies at the same time? Everyday
Have I wanted to run away? There has been a few times.
Have I lost my mind? You betcha, few times.
Have I broke down? More than I like to admit.

That is all part of the process though. You get out what you need to. Scream, throw, take a drive, talk to someone, take a nap....anything but harm your child.

As I sit here and stare at my screen I am not sure what it is I need to say, I just have an urge to type. I am not sure how to end this because I am so saddened by the events that took place. There are so many thoughts and feelings that go along with an event such as this.

My prayers are with the family, the this girl who didn't ask for this. For her to find peace and be able to cope with the events that transpired.