Wants and Needs..Seperating the Two.

     Everyone wants a "normal" child. This is what we expect when we take our pregnancy tests and find out we are having a new bundle of joy. You go through phases off and on wondering if everything is ok, what he/she will be like, if he/she will be healthy and pretty and smart...etc etc. You want all these things for your child. You day dream about what it will be like and how much you want time to speed up so you can be with them. I wanted all these things, with both my children. I still sit here and think about all the things Luke wont be able to do, what I wish he could do..what I WANT for him...dating, making friends, playing with toys correctly, talking, loving his sister, playing football, going to prom...this list can go on for quite some time.

     One of the hard parts for me and still is is accepting that a lot of these things will most likely never happen. I think about it a lot, maybe more than I should especially on rougher days. For the most part Lukas doesn't have a lot wants that I can tell. He is usually very simple, wants something to drink, to watch a movie, something to eat, a diaper change. I have also come to learn is what he needs. He needs me to be strong for him, to advocate for him, to understand his different cries and moans, to have patience, acceptance and most of all love. A lot of people wants things they will never have..a million dollars would be freaking awesome but I don't play the lottery so guess what...no money! When it comes to my sons Autism, I need to accept it. Its ok to mourn over things that we thought were going to be, its part of the grieving process and human nature but we can't dwell on it.

     Although he has Autism, he loves me very much and for the most part he seems happy. Of course we have rough days but they pass. I often feel helpless because I don't know what causes bad days but I have accepted that no matter how many good days we have, bad days are sure to come and like the weather they too shall pass. No he doesn't play correctly, he is obsessed with DVDs and wants to look at them, hold them, sometimes break them on accident but its what he likes. He will watch the same movie for days then get sick of it and go on to the next. Some times he plays with trains but he doesn't really play the way you think. He likes them a lot, holds them in his hands and puts his mouth on them. He is very much about sensory, mouthing is a big thing with him as well as touch. He doesn't like toys that make tons of noise, he has to put his head down and close his eyes..there is one exception to this rule..his pull string Woody doll from Toy Story. That is about the only toy he plays with correctly. Does this make me sad, yes of course...I would love to play with other kids, pretend play or just NOT see things going flying across a room in my house but it is what it is.

     He is perfectly happy not doing those things though. He doesn't have wants the same way other children do, he is wired a bit differently. Aren't we all though? I know we have to encourage him to want to do these things and I hope that at some point he can but its not what he NEEDS right now. Maybe I stand alone on this opinion and that will be fine. I feel like a stand alone on a lot of things. I think its more of what society thinks is normal and what we must try to force our children to conform to. If he wants to be different let him, I say. Ours kids are who they are, we love them any way they come through good times and bad. We say all the time as adults, if we have to change who we are to make other people accept and love us, then they aren't worth having in our lives. I think that should go with children as well. Some people don't see it this way and that's fine, because they want what they want after all.

     There is a big difference between what we want and what we need. For the most part I know my sons needs. He needs me to be there and love him for who he is. He is special just like my daughter is special. All kids are unique and special. I think if everyone loved a little more and was a lot less critical on things they don't understand or don't think is normal we could all see a big change.