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Thursday, April 25, 2013

Clash of the Titans

As most of you know I have a 5 year old NT daughter who is full of life. She is loud, silly, loving, smart and full of all kinds of energy. Every day it is a struggle to balance needs, wants and jealousy. Little miss doesn't understand yet about her brother, not fully anyway. So trying to explain things to her when he goes off and his aggression is towards her is challenging. Showing affection to her enough with out spoiling to overcompensate for all the needs of Little man are over whelming.

Little miss gets very jealous of Little man. They used to get along so well, play together, giggle together, smile, run, you name it they were doing it. That is until the changes happened in Little Man. So I can totally see where she doesn't grasp what has happened with her brother. We were clueless for awhile too.

Every day it is a clash of the titans. Trying to get him to do this or that task without Little miss interfering but not hurting her feelings (she just wants to be a part of it all, I can understand that). If she doesn't listen and sets him off, it is automatic aggression. They battle every day. My will power falters.

If we give in to her every time doesn't that make her spoiled? But wait..if we don't show her the extra attention to show her we love her just as much, are we sending the wrong message?

Her whole being sets him off. He will scream and push her away. If she doesn't stop it goes to biting, hitting and kicking. Although pushing away should be fair warning enough..little kids sometimes don't pick up on the signs. He is more frustrated because he cannot talk. He has no verbal communication at all. I am sure that would set me off in a world of misery alone. How my strong little boy copes every day is beyond me. He is so strong.

I am a ref most days. Keeping them apart, her wanting to play and interact, him wanting solitude and his ipad in peace. What is a mom to do? I think we have been ok so far but some days I feel like I am treading water, my mouth barely above the surface.

We have talked to her to her many times about her brother. I am not sure what sinks in or not. I am looking into a book called "My Brother Charlie" We had her become a peer student for kiddos on the spectrum this year, I was hoping she would see others like her brother and understand a little better. I think it has helped some but not nearly what I was hoping. I think what we need most is time and patience. Understanding, acceptance and awareness are spreading...starting in my very own home =)

Well the house is stirring, I better go get my ref shirt on, my whistle and prepare for battle =)
Over and out for now

Little mans momma


  1. I feel this. My daughter (just 5) is 16 months older than my son(almost 4) and some of the battles are exhausting. Miss Monkey wants to run the show, but Mr. Monster doesn't always want to follow her commands. I try to referee fairly, but so often Monkey feels like I'm blaming her for everything because I ask her to back down when Monster resorts to physical responses like head-butting or flailing. Thank goodness she's advanced in communication and I can explain to her after things calm down.

  2. My prayers are with you. My daughter is 12 and ive known something was different when she was 3 months old. Finally this year they diagnosed high functioning autism. My reaction was the same. With therapy, IEP, and I finally conceded to a medicine, she is getting better. My close friends child is much like yours. She is using biomedical approach, with good success. I was at first leery of it, and just observed. It is working. Of course therapy is also involved. If you are interested in knowing what she does, let me know. I see you went to akron childrens? I live in twinsburg. I know of some parent support groups that you would be welcome to join. One of the places is at a church and the caregivers at the church are FABULOUS with all children!