No Warrior Here

I often get asked how do I do it? I must be supermom or a warrior. That I am something special....

Nothing special here. I am no Autism Warrior Mom, no super human powers (unless running on zero sleep is super human then yes, yes I am).

 I am nothing special.

I am a mother, a daughter, a cousin, a niece, sister, aunt.

This implies no special ability.

I get 'I am soooo sorry! I didn't know' 'That must be soo hard' 'You are so strong'

I will give them that, I am strong...strong as hell for my son. Everyone has their point though.

But isn't every mother? This is my child! It wasn't his choice to have Autism! This is the hand we were dealt. So deal with it we do.

Do I fight for him? Of course!
Do I raise awareness? I try my best.
Do I educate? All the time.
Do I advocate? You bet your ass I do.

But wouldn't you?

I love my child, this was instilled in me before I saw his first heart beat on the monitor, before I felt him move inside me for the first time, before I heard his first cry and saw his precious face.

I would do anything for him, Autism or not. He is my boy, my special boy! He would be special even if Autism didn't happen. I would look at him the same way I do now. Marvel at his brilliance, be in awe of his smile, be blinded when his eyes light up when he understands something.

My mother and father loved me, they brought me up right. They taught me what matters most in this world.

There is no warrior in me, I do what I must for my children. No super powers to handle this situation, I just love my kids.

I breakdown, scream, cry, get frustrated, lose my cool, hide in a bathroom or a bedroom when enough is enough. Want to go off and get rip roaring drunk on occasion. Everyone has their point. I sometimes think mine is actually quite shorter than others because of the endless stress. I often go crazy and unless this is now some super human power I am not aware of then...shit I am screwed!

Don't feel bad for us. Don't say you are sorry because my son is who he is.

Love my son, embrace him into your life. Let him change you and your perception. Advocate for him. Spread awareness for him. Educate people on your experiences, not just for my son but for all of us.

We are a family, who all struggle on this journey. We do what we must, this is our lives. We live just like you, maybe in a more stimmy, loud place full of toys stacked, messes everywhere because frankly who doesn't think that cup of juice looks cooler on the floor in a puddle! The same 30 seconds of YouTube going off over and over and over and over again.. We are all different but the same. We all manage our lives to fit our schedules, our needs and our wants. We get our children what they need. We help them grow, learn and love.

And now I have to go wrangle my wild child, make sure there isn't some funky finger paint on my walls, or puddles on the floor!

Over and out!