Now that Luke has Autism I feel that is difficult to have friends/make news ones. I am not close to anyone in my family besides my mother and stepfather.( This is not by choice, I think its just the way it is) Of course they get Luke the best, put effort into research, understand his meltdowns, ask questions about his behavior. That's why I started this blog, its much easier to write about how I feel than actually talk to people about it. I learned that I can connect with awesome people over the Internet who have very similar lives to ours. Is it reaching as many people as I would hope? No...but I am fortunate for those who take time out of their day to include my family into their day.
This is all about honesty, this is the way I am feeling so please don't be harsh...I woke up with 'one of those kinda days with a heavy heart'. I feel that because I am a young mother of a child who is only 3 and on the spectrum I don't get..hmm looking for words...I guess maybe the same 'treatment' (that's not word I am looking for either) as some of the older moms with older kids and more experience. Now this doesn't speak to everyone..please! There are quite a few of you that I know truly understand us and read my page and my facebook page about Lukas and I. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Day-Dreams-From-An-Autistic-Mind/455390541167384
I guess maybe when it comes down to it...its jealousy of other mothers. I wish I had as many people to relate to as them and share my stories with. I am sooo extremely happy for them (!!!!!), don't get my wrong, I guess I just wish I had that since I am pretty much alone when it comes to immediate surroundings. Everyone wants acceptance..I feel I need to fit in somewhere now more than ever with Luke.
Now done with the sappy things..I feel like I might make some mad or loose some people after stating those things so I want to talk about the amazing acceptance I have found. There are truly amazing people out there who understand you, go through a lot of the things you do/did and give advice or share their stories. This is when I feel most at home and comforted. One thing I am truly grateful for when it comes to Lukes Autism is the people it has brought into our lives. His Early Intervention Team at Happy Days School was absolutely a God send. I have met a lady named Debra and her amazing son Sam (she used to go to school with my mom). She got me through my darkest of days. Anytime I had to vent, or questions or needed advice she is very quick to respond. There is soo much of Sam that I see in my little Lukas too.
There are peoples blogs I have now been able to follow and comment on. If its a sad message/update I hurt with them. I know exactly how it feels to go through most of this stuff. When they are soo happy about some progress (whether it be big or small) I am genuinely happy for them because I too know how exciting and big it is for any progress. There is no judgement to pass or ill thoughts about anyone. Its jut love and acceptance and understanding. Hopefully as the days go on I will be able to reach more people to share my stories with, meet more amazing people who will stay in our hearts forever and find acceptance from the world.
In an off tangent...as I was mowing the grass the other day I was thinking about Autism, about the 1 in 88 now. You know how people say "normal" to you all the time? Well if this keeps becoming more prevalent in ours kids..us Autism families are going to be the normal. Can you imagine that? We would have the normal kids and the typical kids would be thought of as the weird ones? I hope this doesn't happen, I don't wish Autism on anyone. Autism is a rough life style. I wish they could find something concrete but ohh how the tables would turn. People need to accept what is, don't speak if you don't know, have compassion for those suffering and try to understand that which they do comprehend.
I am done..hopefully I didn't make anyone mad today...that was not the purpose. Just needed to write my feelings down.
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