Misunderstood and not even trying

It's not that I don't like my in laws, I know they mean well but they just don't understand. Lets go way back and give you a history...When Luke was about 9-12 months old his feet stuck outward a lot and he kind of walked funny. I took him to a specialist to see if it was something we really needed to worry about. The Doc said no thank goodness and for the most part they have fixed themselves. After that, the next time we visited I tell them this, their response was 'Ohh I just knew something was wrong with that baby. I just didn't want to say anything to you in case you didn't realize'. First off of course I noticed he is my child and my life, second there really isn't anything wrong with him or his feet soo, how could you just know? Aggravated but I get over it.

I have always been talked to one way when my husband is around and when he is not, that is something else entirely. I don't know how to take it, my husband says I am sure they didn't mean it like that..always. But after so many things its kind of hard not to take things one way or another. I have always felt that I don't live up to their standards, that maybe they think that I am too good for them or snooty to them. I am not. I am very down to earth but I don't like to be talked about by anyone and I will let you know this.

Two days before Luke had his WCC we had our formal wedding for the family (we had just done a Justice of the Peace in NC when we were first married). They came up for the wedding. As soon as my husband was out of the room...
'Whats wrong with that baby' Why isn't he talking Why isn't he playing Why is he screaming like that' etc etc His Grandma even started poking him with a wrapping paper roll over and over and he was screaming bloody murder. She wouldn't stop she just kept laughing saying it was so fun to aggravate him, that she does this with all the kids. Of course I told her to stop..with no avail.
At this point I had no clue what was going on with him. I knew something was wrong but I had no clue what would come 2 days later at his appointment and what that would start.

Of course I am going to defend him and say there is nothing wrong, he is jut fine. I cried and cried, I knew other people thought this of my sweet little man too. Now lets jump ahead a bit, he is now officially diagnosed..its Christmas time 2011. We tell them what is going on with Luke. We try to explain what it is. Now remember the reaction about his foot? Well this time we got 'There ain't nothing wrong with that baby' He ain't retarded Those doctors don't know shit'.
I explained to them that it doesn't mean he is 'retarded' or 'stupid' but nothing sunk in I guess. Now every time we see them its very much the same. They grab him and try to hug him and yell around him and he freaks out...every time.

So yesterday we meet up with my husbands family at his sister new house. They bombard the kids, are very loud and Luke freaks out. I tell them its a new place, he isn't used to seeing them so he just needs to get adjusted. They do back off and for that I am grateful. He finally starts to come around and wants to wonder off in the yard. What does he find, water! The kid loves water but this was a nasty run off ditch and they had no water at the house to wash him so of course I tried to keep him out of mud and nasty things.

My husbands mother takes the other kids into the woods just a bit and Luke wants to follow, he sees a creek now. They are turning back now and of course Luke wants to get to the water, its his obsession. My mother in law, tells him no and tried to pick him up. Naturally he doesn't want her touching him and he does want the water. He started to scream. All the while I am standing watching by my husbands Grandma when she says. Look at that fit, ya know why he does that..because he is never told no. My mouth drops. My son is told no constantly. He is not spoiled, he does not ever get his way because usually the things he wants are dangerous or extremely messy. Then I get 'You need to make that boy mind'.         Sure you tell him that will you?....

Skip ahead a little while I am sitting there while he runs up and down the yard over and over again, when G Grandma says to my mother in law..What do you think? My mother in law say ya know I don't really know and G Grandma says yea me either. 'Phyiscally he is fine, look at that boy run'.
I say of course he can run, he is not physically disabled. Then I try to explain yet again what Autism really is. I get 'well he aint stupid I don't see the problem'. Really???? Could you try to get it? Then she dives into a story about her other great grandchild who is only 1 and is talking and feeding himself and he minds his manners......blah blah blah. Great I would love for Luke to be like that but he isn't!!!!!

Then she grabs Luke and says, give me that book. He ignores her and keeps wanting to go on with his business. She tells him, Lukey give grandma that book right there, give it to me now. Again he doesn't respond at all and starts to get mad because she is trying to force him to look at the book on the ground and grabbing his arm. I tell her he can't, he has very delayed communication skills. Do they get it, no.

I don't think there is any more I can do. The things they say to me make it seem like they think I am doing a bad job at parenting him. Even though my daughter is NT and extremely bright. I have tried to explain over and over, it just goes in one ear and out the other. I get so stressed out every time its time to see them I go into rage bitch mode. I try not to even talk because I just get so upset. I know they love the kids but its so hard to deal with that negativity. I can't talk to my husband about it because he says I am sure its not like that, or something as such. He never sticks up for us because he doesn't want to accept it or cause a fight.

Thankfully we got to go home and relax. The drive home was very peaceful and Luke was back to his normal self once we were home. I just wish they would TRY. JUST TRY, or act like you care. He isn't some spoiled little brat and I am not a bad mom. Maybe one day things will get better. I know we need them in our lives, acceptance and education would be amazing. That's all I ask and to not judge what you don't understand....