Being an NT Sibling

After getting a post on my facebook page from another mother who has a daughter the same age as mine, I decided to write this post. She asked for any books for the younger NT kiddos who have a sibling with Autism. It got me thinking of all the things Emma and I have discussed, how she doesn't fully understand and how it effects her.

Emma and Luke used to play very well together, they did lots of things together. He was always crawling around following her, such as little annoying brothers do lol. When the changes started to happen he didn't play anymore. He didn't play with her or want to be around her. He had to have his space. She of course does not understand all this. She just wants to run and play with her brother. I would say little brother and he is in the sense of age but he is just as big as her lol.

He started to become violent towards her. Always pulling her hair, started biting her, would slap her and kick. This happened anytime she came near him. There was no safe spot, she was not allowed near him. Emma is very outgoing and chatty..and loud. Of course to Luke who hates a lot of loud noises, this is no good and upsets him easily. I am sure for him, he was very frustrated that he couldn't just tell her to get the hell away and with all the changes going on it was very hard for all of us to cope let alone feel the things he felt.

Things have gotten easier now but we still have problems. He doesn't just hit here for being around him anymore, now he does still go after her if she pushes it but its usually very provoked. They can sit and watch the same thing on the iPad together without a meltdown or lay on the couch together - not touching- but sharing space.

He still doesn't play with her. She is always saying come on bubby lets run! Come on bubby chase me or go hide and I will find you. He does none of these things =(  When she goes for a play date or a solo night at Grammies, she says can my bubby come with me? I tell her no, explain that its her time away and to play and have all the attention on her. Her response - but I want him to come. I know she really does but even she needs a break from the Autism life style.

Sometimes, which is getting more frequent, she asks if I think Luke loves her. This breaks my heart. I tell her over and over yes of course he does, he just doesn't show it like mommy and daddy. I have to keep reassuring her. Even though he is younger she wants his approval on things, wants to include him and play. I explain that he is different and sometimes he needs his space. That loud things make him upset so we have to use our inside voice (which doesn't work by the way).

I am thankful for the progress we have made though. When we build a fort they can both enjoy it. He can sit in there and have a good time next to her, while he is enjoying his own thing. I very much hope one say she will understand and he can learn to play with her again. Its a learning process for both of them. She is now a peer student in his Integrated Preschool for other kids with needs. I like this because she is exposed to other kids like her brother and hopefully this will make her understand it better. For now I am a referee and I will keep on slowly trying.